It's that time of month...

"gavinski91" (gavinski91) 01/16/2014 at 13:30 • Filed to: bad joke thursday

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Time for Bad Joke Thursday, that is! Get in on the action! Although I promise not to post !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! .

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

Also, did you hear the news story about the blind construction worker? He went to the hardware store to buy a hammer and saw.

And feel free to add your jokes as comments here instead of new posts. I'll bump this post periodically throughout the day. (also, why can't I see comments?)

ddavidn > gavinski91 01/16/2014 at 11:50

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That was the worst thing ever. I was real mad about that bad joke.

Pixel > gavinski91 01/16/2014 at 11:51

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Why can you only have two doors on a chicken coop?

Because if you had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

EL_ULY > gavinski91 01/16/2014 at 11:52

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What happened when Napoleon went to Mt. Olive?

.....

Popeye got pissed lol :]

Biased Plies > gavinski91 01/16/2014 at 11:52

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If you would, please add a note to keep them to this thread instead of everyone making a new post for their jokes.

You can then bump this post a few times through the day to keep it alive.

KB Garage > Pixel 01/16/2014 at 11:54

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(Unless it was made by BMW)

KB Garage > Pixel 01/16/2014 at 11:54

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*sigh* KINJA!!!

The Dummy Gummy > gavinski91 01/16/2014 at 11:55

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The maid asks for a pay increase..

The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.

Wife: "Now Rosa, why do you want a pay increase?"

Rosa: "Well, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you do."

Wife: "who said that you iron better than me?"

Rosa: "Your husband said so."

Wife: "Oh yeah?"

Rosa: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."

Wife: "Nonsense. Who said you were a better cook than I am?"

Rosa: "Your husband did."

Wife, becoming very disgruntled: "Oh he did, did he?"

Rosa: "The thrid reason is that I am better at sex than you are."

Wife, seething now, and through gritted teeth: "And did my husband say that as well?!"

Rosa: "No... the gardener did."

Wife: "Oh, ok! So, how much do you want?"

crown victor victoria > Biased Plies 01/16/2014 at 11:59

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Thank you for mentioning this.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > gavinski91 01/16/2014 at 11:59

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Did you hear about the invention of the shovel?

It was ground breaking!

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > gavinski91 01/16/2014 at 12:00

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What was the Demon arrested for?

..

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Possession!

Biased Plies > crown victor victoria 01/16/2014 at 12:00

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No problem. I just hate seeing Oppo get crowded by theme day posts. I know trying to contain it is usually futile but I figured I'd at least try.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > gavinski91 01/16/2014 at 12:01

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First time I saw a Universal Remote I thought to myself, this changes everything!

DatASSun > gavinski91 01/16/2014 at 12:02

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A string walks into a bar .. Says "hey let me get a drink"

Bar tender give him a drink as he's drinking the bar tender comes over and says
"hey man are you a string?" String: "yes" Bartender: "We dont serve your kind get out"

The next day the string walks past the bar and walks in asks for a drink .. Bartender again asks " are you a string ? we dont serve your kind"

3rd day string walks by the bar decides he wants a drink but remembers this time they dont serve his kind .. So he rolls on the ground and mud and gets all tangled .. Walks in the bar asks for a drink

Bartender : Are you a string ..

String: Nope I'm Affraid knot ..

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > gavinski91 01/16/2014 at 12:02

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How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

...

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10 Tickles!

Walfisch > gavinski91 01/16/2014 at 12:03

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An oldie but still a goody because of MEW.

crown victor victoria > Biased Plies 01/16/2014 at 12:07

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Me too. But this is the first time I recall seeing the "keep it in this thread" request being made in the OP, so hopefully it makes a difference.

I also don't mind the silly themes from time to time, but I do mind when nothing else can get through because of the onslaught of colored car posts or whatever it is.

Party-vi > gavinski91 01/16/2014 at 12:28

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What's the worst part about eating out your grandma?

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Banging your head on the coffin.

*rimshot*

nermal > gavinski91 01/16/2014 at 12:31

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What did the fish say when it swam into the wall?

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DAM!

PRBot II > gavinski91 01/16/2014 at 13:32

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EL_ULY > PRBot II 01/16/2014 at 13:33

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lol, eww

RacecaR > gavinski91 01/16/2014 at 13:35

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knock knock

*who's there?

Barbie

*Barbie who?

Barbie-Q

moran11 > gavinski91 01/16/2014 at 13:36

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I'm in love with a girl who's a midget.

I'm nuts over her.

Where have all the lightweights gone? > gavinski91 01/16/2014 at 13:37

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Did you hear about the horny guy that couldn't spell?

...

...

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He spent the night in a warehouse.

vdub_nut: scooter snob > Walfisch 01/16/2014 at 13:39

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Her sweater puppies are fighting for their freedom, oh yes they are.

EL_ULY > Party-vi 01/16/2014 at 13:42

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Sn210 > gavinski91 01/16/2014 at 13:44

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Knock knock

Who's there?

Interrupting Cow

Interrupting Co....
MOOO!

EL_ULY > gavinski91 01/16/2014 at 13:44

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Grandson: What are you doing?

Grandpa: It's called masturbation, you need to learn how to do this

Grandson: Why?

Grandpa: Because my hand is getting tired

Sn210 > gavinski91 01/16/2014 at 13:48

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Two peanuts were walking down the street in a bad neighborhood.

One was a salted.

Goggles Pizzano > Party-vi 01/16/2014 at 13:49

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desertdog5051 > Party-vi 01/16/2014 at 14:26

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A winner. That was bad. :)

Walfisch > vdub_nut: scooter snob 01/16/2014 at 14:43

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TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > gavinski91 01/16/2014 at 15:05

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Q:What do you call 500 politicians at the bottom of the sea?

A: A good start.

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > Party-vi 01/16/2014 at 15:07

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What's the best thing about having sex with a 5 year old?
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You get to kill them afterwards...

JACU - I've got bonifides. > gavinski91 01/16/2014 at 20:52

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Midget doctors have little patience.

JACU - I've got bonifides. > Walfisch 01/16/2014 at 20:54

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William Wallace. Gulf livery before it was cool.

911e46z06 > gavinski91 01/16/2014 at 23:03

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Guy walks into a bar. Pounds beers and shots for 3 hours, and gets real shitfaced. Calls the bartender over, points at a big jar of $20 bills sitting on the bar, at least a couple grand in it, and asks what it is.

Bartender says, well, people put $20 in the jar, and I give them three tasks. If they complete all three tasks, they get all the money in the jar. The guy pulls out a 20 and sticks it in the jar.

Bartender says ok. First, go to the boxing gym across the street and ask for Thunder. He owns the gym. He's 6'8'' 415 pounds. You have to knock him out with one punch. Then go down to the basement. There's a mean-ass 130 pound pitbull down there with a bad molar. You need to pull that molar. Finally, go to the apartment above the bar. My sister is up there. She's a bikini model. She's never had an orgasm. You have to give her her first orgasm.

So the guy pounds a beer and five shots, walks across the street, and knocks out Thunder with one punch. He comes back in, pounds another beer and five shots. Walks through the door to the basement. There's a huge commotion. Dog growling and barking, guy yelling and screaming, glass shattering. Finally after about ten minutes of this, the dog yelps and the guy comes out of the basement all bloody and beat up. He sits down at the bar, pounds a beer and five shots, and says, "OK, now where's that lady with the bad tooth?"